Work Hard, Fly Right. Um - NOT SO MUCH!

This past weekend I did something pretty cool. I surprised Michele and flew to Chicago for her 35th Birthday Party (pictures and a blog on the details of that sh*t show to follow - but this is about my trip home). My flight into the Windy City (on American by the way) went off without a hitch. My flight home, however (on Continental) - disaster! It went a little something like this.

We were running a little late, but Alex managed to get me there an hour before the flight as recommended. I go to check in at the self service kiosk and it won't let me check in. I am prompted to "check in at gate." This is NEVER a good sign. When I get to the gate I am told that there is an "over sale issue" and that I am "part of the over sale." When I ask by how much they over sold the flight - I am told that I am number 14 of 15! Yeah - because that makes flippin' sense. Lets over sell the last flight out from Chicago to New York on a Sunday because that will be FILLED with at least 15 passengers with flexible travel plans. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? I was a tad miffed you could say.

So, I sit and stew as I watch them try and bribe passengers into volunteering to change their flight. They managed to get 13 people to change their flight by offering them a $300 travel voucher, overnight hotel accomodations and transportation to Milwaukee where they would be on the first flight out in the morning. Not a terrible deal if you have the time to spare. But that left me and this poor 14 year old boy whose gem of a Father left him at the aiport alone. He was apparently flying home alone to his Mom. I was #14 and he was #15. They managed to get one more person to switch, at which time I was told I could board. I looked at this kid and realized if I got on that plane over him there truly was a special place in hell reserved for me. I looked at the attendant and said "Do you really expect me to take this over this kid?" She looked at me and said "That is your choice lady." If I did not know that I would spend some time in jail if I smacked that b*tch upside her head - believe me - I would have. So I counted to 10 and then looked at her right in the eye and I said in that voice my Mom used to use that struck fear into my heart for my entire childhood. You know the voice - the don't open your mouth, talk through your teeth growl - and said: "Listen Lady, you turn around and walk yourself back on that plane right now and announce that the offer is now a $500 travel voucher. Someone will take that. If you don't, you are going to have a very large problem because you are going to be stuck with me. I am cranky, tired and hungover like no body's business and I am going home TONIGHT." To my amazement - she did just as I asked and they actually had 5 people willing to get off the plane! So, I got on. Story over - right? Yeah - not just yet!

I get on the plane and go to my seat - a nice seat on the aisle - BONUS! There is a woman and her young daughter seated in the row and they ask if I would be willing to switch with her husband so they can sit together as a family. At this point I am so happy to be ON the plane I did not care WHERE I sat so I said fine and went to the front of the plane to switch with the father. He was seated in a middle seat directly behind first class next to a woman who was a little on the large side. I was regretting my decision but I really did not feel comfortable changing my mind so I just sat down. Also - since I made such a big deal to get on the plane I was 100% convinced it was going to plummet out of the sky because that is just how this trip was going.

Anyway - I settled into my seat but I was a little uncomfortable because the middle seats always suck and the poor woman next to me really did not fit in hers so she was inhabiting some of mine. Now, to be honest, I was initially annoyed by this. But then I witnessed how the flight staff treated this poor woman and again - if it was not for a legitimate fear of jail, someone would have been b*tch slapped. They made this woman feel so bad I hated them for it. I mean - while this woman was indeed big - those seats are friggin' ridiculous. The staff was rude and insensitive and this woman was so gracious and even tempered. She really handled it all with grace and elegance - I was so impressed. I would have either scream or cried - possibly both.

Thankfully, the flight was only 90 minutes. But I have to say this - never again will I buy a flight without a reserved seat.

BLAST BILL!!!!!

So - I have not blogged all that much recently because my PC decided that it was going to go on strike. No - actually it died. The damn device is only 2 years old and it just stopped working! Now let me explain - I am no crazy downloader or computer genius. I do NOTHING complicated or exciting with this blasted piece of machinery. I use it for pictures, music and random internet searches - that is it! I have no idea what I did to annoy this wretched tech demon so much that it decided to just never talk to me again - but I managed to do something.


My natural response was to call Dell tech support. Um - BIG MISTAKE!!! After being on hold for a gazillion damn years - choosing from menu items that did not fit my needs (there was no choice for Satanic Devil Computer just up and died) - I gave up.

I then tried something truly stupid. I attempted to get some asistance from Microsoft since it was actually Windows XP that killed my computer. This experience was actually worse than my experience with Dell. They had the same never ending and non-applicable menu options - but then finally you have the choice to talk to a human. YAY - right?! NO. I was connected to someone in Sri Lanka who identified themselves as John Smith (yeah - I am SO sure). John - whose only computer knowledge stemmed from the script he was reading - was of no help to me at all. I wanted to scream (and did). I felt bad for John - because he was the unfortunate recipient of my ire - but seriously - this is the best Bill can do? He is a frazillionaire and THIS is what he offers for tech support. I formed one conclusion from this - Bill is Beelzebub!

Then it hit me - why go for the chubby, bespectacled middle aged guy when I can have Justin Long? I have always liked the guy who never tucks in his shirt over the guy who suits up. Why did this preference not transition over into my computer choice? Why did I opt for the safe rather than the exciting in this particular arena of my life? So like so many times before - when faced with a problem - I opted to console myself with a little retail therapy. I am now the proud owner of a Macbook and I CANNOT WAIT until she arrives!!

Isn't she beautiful? And yes - she is a girl! PCs are evil - so THEY are definitely male! Appleonia as I will call her - arrives tomorrow. I expect we will be very, very happy together.

My Life's Essential Sundries . . .

There are things I use, and things I do that make me - well me. I have a hard time imagining my life without these items or how I functioned before them. None of these items are things that I would actually require for sustenance or survival. However, I do think I would suffer a worse life without these things.

The iPod. Never has a "gadget" so effected my life. I am not a tech person by any stretch of the imagination. To be honest - things with wires strike fear into my heart like few other things in this world. But this item - I truly adore. I love downloading a certain song that fits a certain mood. I love making playlists that consist of the most random assortment of music that anyone else listening to it would be like - um - did you seriously just jump from Marky Mark and the Funcky Bunch to Il Divo to Taking Back Sunday? Yes I did - now go away. An iPod is like having control over a small portion of the universe - I love it!

Lipgloss - and I don't mean lipstick. This is the most important make up item I own. It is actually pretty much the only thing that I consistently wear as far as make up goes. I find it hard to believe that I once painted my lips crazy colors like dark brown and red with a waxy, paste-like substance that tasted like dirt. Lipgloss is so much happier and it often tastes yummy. Yes - I know it is sticky and guys can find it irritating - but get over it! Stubble sucks and causes rug burn - we deal with that crap - you can suffer a little lipgloss.

WINE. Aahhhh - the nectar of the GODS!!! While I am not a wine snob, I have a fond affection for this beverage. I know what I like and what I don't. If it tastes like band-aids or soap - bad! If it tastes like you never want to bottle to end - good!











Oversized Sunglasses. These bad boys can conceal a bad hangover, bad eyebrow wax or bad day. They are essential camoflauge for any woman.



Flip Flops! These things I might actually die without. For me these are seasonless and anyone who knows me knows that I own hundreds of these babies. Maybe because my feet are one of the few parts of my body that I don't loathe! I don't know why, but this foot gear holds a special place in my heart.




Sushi. Relatively guilt free fast food. Yes, I know there are mercury issues associated with this fine cuisine - I just don't currently care. It makes me happy and it does NOT give me heartburn (which pretty much everything else seems to do).

Domo arigato!



Flavored Vodka. Love this stuff - it changed my life. I can't really drink beer because I can't burp (a disability I STILL believe should qualify me for handicapped parking), so hanging out in a bar can be difficult. This is how I tasted much of the band-aid flavored wine mentioned above. That was until every self respecting vodka company started producing yummy flavored vodkas. Friday night has never been the same . . .


Crosswords. I inherited this addiction from my Mom. However, while she could do the New York Times Sunday Crossword in like an hour - I can't get past Wednesday most weeks. That said - these puzzles and my iPod are what keep me from going postal on New York City transit each morning.







Starbucks Skinny Lattes. Love these damn things! They enable me to get through the entire work day without taking a nap underneath my desk. Until this country invokes mandatory siestas - I will need these to function in civilized society.


* They also make me miss Sissy. Sissy WAS my assistant and IS my friend. Sissy made working at one of the scariest lawfirms around worth every second of pain. The lattes kept me awake - Sissy kept me sane.



E-Mail. I am blessed with a large network of friends that spans the country. They keep me grounded and I love and need them all! Being able to talk with them each day by e-mail truly is a gift!

"The Boat"

Each and every weekday morning, I awake and head to my office in Union Square, Manhattan. Along with thousands of other Staten Islanders, I take the Staten Island Ferry, also knows as "the boat" to work. If you have never experienced this trip before - it is really is an experience. By experience - I am NOT referring to the amazing sky-line views or relatively quick transport time. Yes, "the boat" does offer that - but the views within the ferry . . . Now they are not to be believed. Overall, I love and hate the ferry. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. The Farter. There is a particular fellow that inhabits the Staten Island side ferry terminal that is there each morning making very audible fart noises with his mouth. Those who know him don't even flinch. However, one of my all time favorite things is to see him walk up to someone who is not familiar with him or his ways and "fart" in their face. They get insulted and disgusted. They yell at him and huff and puff. He simply looks at the and giggles. I absolutely love it! It makes my day every time.

2. The Preachers. I am fairly confident that I am going to hell - so the growing number of self appointed preachers that attempt to save my soul at 7:30 AM each morning are just irritating. That ship has sailed my friends - move on.

3. The Pigeons. Yes, that is right, I share my commute with rats with wings. My one questiom is - if you have the ability to friggin' fly WHY are you taking a flippin' boat!?!?

4. BEER. This is a ferry perk. Alcohol is served 24/7. This has been a life saver on more than one post-work trip.

5. The Make-Up Ladies. While I can barely manage to get myself on the boat with matching shoes; there are several women that arrive on the boat looking one way and look entirely different upon landing. They put on an entirely new face on the trip over to Manhattan. They fascinate me to no end.

When life hands you lemons . . .

Every year on this day - I get a bouquet of flowers from my friend Jessica. It is a bittersweet tradition and the bouquet is always the same. It is the "When Life Hands you Lemons" bouquet from Flowers.com and I get it every year on April 7th from Jess because 8 years ago today - my life changed forever. For those of you who know me well, you know that April 7th is the day that my mother passed away.

When my mom first passed, a co-worker who had suffered a similar loss told me something that I have found to be the truest thing anyone has ever said to me about a loss of this kind. He said that the pain you feel when you think about the loss will never really lessen - but that with time, you do think about the loss less and the good things more. I have found this to be true. I do think about the good things more. I deliberately try and remember and focus on those memories rather than the crushing loss. I owe that to my mother and I owe it to my sister.

My sister was only 12 when my mother died and it is for her that I am the saddest. I had my mom for 27 years and I have to tell you - the lady was ACES! She was the type of mother that makes you want to be a mom and she was the type of woman that makes you want to be a lady. My memories of my mom are vivid. My sister's are not. I had my mom for most of the truly significant events of my life. My sister has not. When I think about that - my heart breaks.

It is funny - there was no one in the world who could drive me as crazy as my mom did. There were times where it seemed she had taken up permanent residence on my last nerve. But it is the things that, at the time, drove me the craziest that I now miss the most. I look back on these things now and I want to smack myself for being so short sighted. I had the nerve to be annoyed by the constant phone calls ("I just called to say I love you"), the "embarassing" personal questions ("So how are things with insert name of current love interest here") and the "constructive" criticism ("Hmmm, why don't you put on a little make up?"). If I have any advice to offer anyone - it is to never take the time you have with those you love for granted. You are only robbing yourself of experiences and memories.

I am very lucky in that I did have a great relationship with my mother and I did get to say everything that I wanted to say to her before whe died. However, in hindsight - there are instances where I wish I had been kinder. I was lucky to have an amazing mother - but there are times where I wish I had been a better daughter. That is my only regret. This has caused me to try and be the type of woman that she would be proud of. I try and be there for my sister who despite being raised by me, my brother and step-father - who are damaged bad at best - has grown into an unbelievable person who impresses and inspires me daily. Lisa - you truly are my hero!

So for my sister - I will try and keep my mother's memory fresh and be there for her the way my mom was for me. For my mother Angela - I will try and be the type of person she would be proud of and find the happiness she always wanted for me. Children forget that. A parent's greatest dream for their child is for that child to be happy with who they are and the life they lead. I am trying Mommy - believe me - I am . . .

Things I will never have . . .

This Saturday was my younger cousin's wedding. It was at an estate in Long Island called Oheka Castle. The place is obscene! It is the kind of place that made me want to walk around with my hands held high above my head because if I bumped into anything (as I am prone to do) and broke it - I would have to sign up for a lifetime of indentured servitude to pay it off.

As I sat at this event - I realized that the wedding invitation should have just said - come to my wedding and think about all the stuff you will never have like:

1. Father that is not a nightmare

2. Father that will throw you the wedding of your dreams

3. Designer wedding gown

4. Body that will allow you to fit into a sample sized designer wedding gown

5. FIANCE!

Don't get me wrong - I adore my cousin and no one deserves happiness more than she does. She is one of the kindest souls I know. It is just that events like this make me pine for the things that little girls are taught they should want. Even when you really don't ever see yourself in this situation or wanting these things - when they are all up in your face I found myself thinking - well - wouldn't that be nice ??? So - what did I do?

1. Drank wine

2. Avoided said nightmare father

3. Drank wine

4. Ate brother's dessert

5. Drank wine

My life is an utter cliche! Hilarious!

Does Anyone Else Find This Disturbing?

Shiny Suits - Seriously?!

So I watched NKOTB announce their Reunion and new single on the Today Show. It was brought to my attention by my Kim. She was very, very disturbed - and rightly so. Kim LOVES 80's pop culture - and this just pissed her off. The 80's are like Vegas - what happens there - should stay there. Don't these man/boys know that?! If the 80s were your glory days - then that is just too bad. Your job is to just stay there permanently ingrained in the memory of us all with hairsprayed hair and acid washed jeans. I have a box full of pictures of myself where I have hair that looks like a sunflower and pink frosted lipstick with electric blue mascara and DAMN if I didn't think I looked good at the time!

This has been a tough week for me. I had to watch this travesty of 80's pop culture try and resurrect their careers and also hear from Michele that Bon Jovi plays as Muzak in her work elevator. So so so so wrong!